When is the first time you were told you were pretty? And, I'm not saying your parents, either. But, some non-relation who took the opportunity to boost your self-esteem and give you that coveted compliment.
It may sound shallow to want to be beautiful, but it isn't. Definitely people can go too far with it, but I think every individual at least at some point in his/her life desires to be viewed as being easy on the eyes.
I was discussing this with Eric and out of all the guys I ever dated, I don't actually remember anyone telling me that I was beautiful except for Eric. I've had compliments on my hair, my eyes, my smile or even my voice throughout the years, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I had anyone outside of my family tell me I was beautiful.
In fact, the first non-relation who told me was a girl named Tericka. She was one of those natural born beauties with dark skin and hair and was petite. I, on the other hand, have always felt kind of like a giant and big. I never felt delicate or really that feminine. I have "man hands" and have a lower voice. I don't have any distinctive features that would be referred to as beautiful. She knew I was struggling to feel beautiful as a guy was kind of toying with my emotions. She pumped me up and made me start believing that maybe I was beautiful after all. But, there were still a lot of negative self-image issues handing around.
I always viewed myself as plain even though I had a fun time dating in my college days. I look pretty much the same as I have since the eighth grade. Sure, my face has "aged" or "matured" over the years, but that's about it.
Today I feel like a beautiful woman. I feel put together (most days...or, at least when I want to) and accomplished. I have an education that I am proud of and hobbies that keep me busy when I want to be. I have two gorgeous children and the most affectionate man who somehow came to love me and married me nearly five years ago.
The difference in my view of my appearance today is that I get to hear every day how beautiful someone thinks I am. We all need to share that compliment a little more often so people feel special and beautiful, just like they are.
15 October 2010
10 October 2010
I'm Not a Perfect Person
I am not a perfect person. I think that most days I am fairly put together and feel happy with my life and the decisions that I make. I think I have a wonderful family and am so blessed in every aspect of my life. It IS almost perfect.
But, today was not one of those days. I got up with plenty of time to take care of everything that needs to be handled in order for us to make it to church on time. In fact, I commented to Eric that "it's Sunday and I actually did my hair!" I looked the part. Hair done. Make-up done. Children freshly bathed (thank you, Honey). Lunch packed for the girls to eat during choir rehearsal. Eric was even going to pick someone up for church.
I'm not sure when it happened, but things changed. We still got to church early (and, by early, I mean we were not arriving "on time" or during the first hymn...it was a miracle). But, somehow, I became overly emotional in that first hour.
A member of our bishopric (the guys who basically take care of the governing of the church on a local basis and all for free) was there for his last Sunday in our ward because he just married a wonderful woman and moved out of our area and into a different ward ("parish"). He's been a hero of my husband's for a long, long time and became one of mine. Apparently, seeing him today made me realize how much I love this man who has been such an amazing role model for so many of us.
That sorrow mixed with joy (because this man truly has earned his good reward of this amazing woman) was not the only emotion to be had. My children did not behave well and I was embarrassed and irritated that I couldn't enjoy the meeting more. I felt helpless as the Lord reminded me that I'm not a perfect person.
And so, I let things get to me, one thing at a time. By the time we made it to choir practice, my emotions were gathered on my shirt sleeves and I'm afraid I did cry. I'm sorry. I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect parent. I have my limits and apparently I hit them today. I'm sure the Lord will show me with another stressful Sabbath to allow me to demonstrate that I learned from today, but I'm really not looking forward to that.
In the meantime, I just want to tell you that "I'm not a perfect person/ There's many things I wish I didn't do/ But I continue learning." I really do want to change. I want to be better. And, I'm incredibly grateful for friends who will give me a hug when I need one. I'm grateful for the faith they have in me that I can do this and I'm doing fine as a parent. Thanks for your confidence. I'm trying!
But, today was not one of those days. I got up with plenty of time to take care of everything that needs to be handled in order for us to make it to church on time. In fact, I commented to Eric that "it's Sunday and I actually did my hair!" I looked the part. Hair done. Make-up done. Children freshly bathed (thank you, Honey). Lunch packed for the girls to eat during choir rehearsal. Eric was even going to pick someone up for church.
I'm not sure when it happened, but things changed. We still got to church early (and, by early, I mean we were not arriving "on time" or during the first hymn...it was a miracle). But, somehow, I became overly emotional in that first hour.
A member of our bishopric (the guys who basically take care of the governing of the church on a local basis and all for free) was there for his last Sunday in our ward because he just married a wonderful woman and moved out of our area and into a different ward ("parish"). He's been a hero of my husband's for a long, long time and became one of mine. Apparently, seeing him today made me realize how much I love this man who has been such an amazing role model for so many of us.
That sorrow mixed with joy (because this man truly has earned his good reward of this amazing woman) was not the only emotion to be had. My children did not behave well and I was embarrassed and irritated that I couldn't enjoy the meeting more. I felt helpless as the Lord reminded me that I'm not a perfect person.
And so, I let things get to me, one thing at a time. By the time we made it to choir practice, my emotions were gathered on my shirt sleeves and I'm afraid I did cry. I'm sorry. I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect parent. I have my limits and apparently I hit them today. I'm sure the Lord will show me with another stressful Sabbath to allow me to demonstrate that I learned from today, but I'm really not looking forward to that.
In the meantime, I just want to tell you that "I'm not a perfect person/ There's many things I wish I didn't do/ But I continue learning." I really do want to change. I want to be better. And, I'm incredibly grateful for friends who will give me a hug when I need one. I'm grateful for the faith they have in me that I can do this and I'm doing fine as a parent. Thanks for your confidence. I'm trying!
08 October 2010
Couponing, Is It For Me?
This is my dilemma. I have several friends who share their excellent shopping skills in the grocery store. They save a ton of money and I'm always impressed with what they are able to find.
I'd say I'm pretty good at finding good sales for clothing and I never pay full price for those items, but I tend to be fairly clueless on couponing. In fact, sometimes when I'm in a store I see a "sale" and am not even sure if it is a real sale or not.
For instance, I recently went to Kroger and saw their Old Yeller 50 lb dog food bag advertised "on sale" at the same price it's been for at least 6 months, which is about a dollar more than it was a year ago. Not much of a sale in my book. Now, I can recognize this as a marketing strategy because I purchase this dog food once a month. I know the price and I know what I believe to be a savings on the matter. I also am not naive enough to fall for Walmart's marketing ploy. They are at least gracious enough to post their savings on their "look for falling prices" sticker. I don't even remember the item it was marked on, but it was promo-priced at $9.96 with the "WAS" sticker proclaiming $10. Ummm...four cents may be enough to sway me to fill up at one gas station over another, but on clothing? Yeah, no thanks. That isn't really classified as a savings. It just means you can say "less than $10".
So, then I think all about that couponing thing again. I've purchased the paper to get the exclusive sales coupons found in the notorious Sunday paper (and I hated every minute of getting it on the Sabbath to begin with!!). When I looked in the paper, sure, there were a FEW things that might be worth it, but I didn't get savings immediately. It was like for things if I sign up to be a frequent shopper of that particular store and then I'd earn money off my next shopping spree. These items weren't even actually groceries, so I may purchase this once but then not again for five months or more! Sure, maybe the savings will still be stocked up on that card, but will I remember it and will there be another sale worthy of using that "free" money I supposedly saved? Probably not.
So, I still sit pondering about the coupons. I'm pretty frugal as it is and I can't say that the coupon items are even things I'd purchase. Know what? I even looked at getting the $5 rebates offered when you buy Beauty and the Beast and Campbell's soup or the bagels' offer. But...I didn't. Know why? My family doesn't really eat canned soup. We make soups from scratch, so it's not even an item I'd regularly purchase. If this, then I'm not actually saving money, I'm just distributing it out over more items. This then leaves a MINOR savings, but not less than I can find with other deals (like shopping at Movie Stop and getting someone's used DVD b/c they upgraded to the newly released version).
So, I still sit here in awe and wonder at my friends who seem to make great purchases for groceries without a clue to if it is even practical for me to worry my "pretty little head" about it. I think I need a bit more Scarlett O'Hara when it comes to money and figures surrounding groceries. (And, if you don't know, Scarlett may have been manipulative and vain, but she certainly DID make good business decisions....just so you know.)
I'd say I'm pretty good at finding good sales for clothing and I never pay full price for those items, but I tend to be fairly clueless on couponing. In fact, sometimes when I'm in a store I see a "sale" and am not even sure if it is a real sale or not.
For instance, I recently went to Kroger and saw their Old Yeller 50 lb dog food bag advertised "on sale" at the same price it's been for at least 6 months, which is about a dollar more than it was a year ago. Not much of a sale in my book. Now, I can recognize this as a marketing strategy because I purchase this dog food once a month. I know the price and I know what I believe to be a savings on the matter. I also am not naive enough to fall for Walmart's marketing ploy. They are at least gracious enough to post their savings on their "look for falling prices" sticker. I don't even remember the item it was marked on, but it was promo-priced at $9.96 with the "WAS" sticker proclaiming $10. Ummm...four cents may be enough to sway me to fill up at one gas station over another, but on clothing? Yeah, no thanks. That isn't really classified as a savings. It just means you can say "less than $10".
So, then I think all about that couponing thing again. I've purchased the paper to get the exclusive sales coupons found in the notorious Sunday paper (and I hated every minute of getting it on the Sabbath to begin with!!). When I looked in the paper, sure, there were a FEW things that might be worth it, but I didn't get savings immediately. It was like for things if I sign up to be a frequent shopper of that particular store and then I'd earn money off my next shopping spree. These items weren't even actually groceries, so I may purchase this once but then not again for five months or more! Sure, maybe the savings will still be stocked up on that card, but will I remember it and will there be another sale worthy of using that "free" money I supposedly saved? Probably not.
So, I still sit pondering about the coupons. I'm pretty frugal as it is and I can't say that the coupon items are even things I'd purchase. Know what? I even looked at getting the $5 rebates offered when you buy Beauty and the Beast and Campbell's soup or the bagels' offer. But...I didn't. Know why? My family doesn't really eat canned soup. We make soups from scratch, so it's not even an item I'd regularly purchase. If this, then I'm not actually saving money, I'm just distributing it out over more items. This then leaves a MINOR savings, but not less than I can find with other deals (like shopping at Movie Stop and getting someone's used DVD b/c they upgraded to the newly released version).
So, I still sit here in awe and wonder at my friends who seem to make great purchases for groceries without a clue to if it is even practical for me to worry my "pretty little head" about it. I think I need a bit more Scarlett O'Hara when it comes to money and figures surrounding groceries. (And, if you don't know, Scarlett may have been manipulative and vain, but she certainly DID make good business decisions....just so you know.)
06 October 2010
Sometimes I Get Homesick
I know that "Home is where the Heart is" but sometimes my heart misses other places. Well, actually, mostly just ONE other place. There are certain scents and weather and sometimes the sun is shining just right that it makes me miss a place that is still very dear to my heart.
That place? Provo. I know. I know. Go on and laugh. It's more than the great University I was able to attend. It's more than being able to be learning new and exciting things. It's more than the amazing roommates I was blessed with.
I miss the mountains. I miss the way the seasons changed there. I miss the random outdoor activities that were available. I miss being able to go up to Temple Square...or the Provo temple.
Today is one of those days. Of course, I tend to have a lot of these days around General Conference time. It was so wonderful to drive up to Temple Square and be there with the other thousands of members. Granted, there were hecklers and craziness surrounding the Square, but inside, it was safe and good and joyful.
Some day I will get my wish and I'll be able to attend an actual session of General Conference inside the Conference Center. Until then, I will happily go about watching it at church, with friends, and with my inlaws.
But, I will probably remain a little homesick for those comforting mountains in Provo.
That place? Provo. I know. I know. Go on and laugh. It's more than the great University I was able to attend. It's more than being able to be learning new and exciting things. It's more than the amazing roommates I was blessed with.
I miss the mountains. I miss the way the seasons changed there. I miss the random outdoor activities that were available. I miss being able to go up to Temple Square...or the Provo temple.
Today is one of those days. Of course, I tend to have a lot of these days around General Conference time. It was so wonderful to drive up to Temple Square and be there with the other thousands of members. Granted, there were hecklers and craziness surrounding the Square, but inside, it was safe and good and joyful.
Some day I will get my wish and I'll be able to attend an actual session of General Conference inside the Conference Center. Until then, I will happily go about watching it at church, with friends, and with my inlaws.
But, I will probably remain a little homesick for those comforting mountains in Provo.
02 October 2010
My Hero: My Daughter
My husband has a theory that your spiritual strength is reflected in the heroes you choose in your life. I agree with him, as when I discovered the character of his heroes, it is reflected in his life. One of my heroes is my own daughter.
Jesus has told us that we must become as little children and come unto Him. As I raise my children, this statement becomes more profound. I've spent a good portion of my life trying to grow up and be a respectable, responsible adult. Although that isn't a bad thing, I've also forgotten how to be as a child in certain aspects of my life. So, as I play the role of parent, I am taught how to be a child.
Gianna recently got in trouble for doing something while we were driving in the car. I got on to her and used the mean, stern Mommy voice on her which only further upset her and made matters worse. Emily, applying teachings I have not given, started singing "I am a Child of God" to Gianna to help her calm down. Guess what? It worked. Emily recognized that it worked and announced, "Mommy, I sang to Gianna and it made her happy!" Two lessons: First, create an atmosphere for the spirit, and second, recognize that when you do things this way, it works!
Today, after listening to another amazing General Conference session, we had the opportunity to give another lady a ride home. This sister is so gentle and Christlike anyway. Emily asked if we were going to her grandparents' house and I explained that first we needed to drop this sister off at her home so she could be with her family again. Emily immediately tells me, "I want to grow up and drive a car so I can take everyone home!" AH! If I only looked at my ability to drive being an opportunity for service to others like that! It's true. I not only can drive, but I have a vehicle that still has room left over after filling it with my own family. What a great lesson to teach me immediately following President Uchtdorf's talk that mentioned seeking opportunities to help our fellow man and that of Elder Christofferson who challenged us to be more service minded.
Apparently, although it may not look like my children are listening, they are absorbing the teachings. Too bad I'm not more like them as it always appears that I am listening, but in the end, I don't think I'm absorbing nearly as much!
Jesus has told us that we must become as little children and come unto Him. As I raise my children, this statement becomes more profound. I've spent a good portion of my life trying to grow up and be a respectable, responsible adult. Although that isn't a bad thing, I've also forgotten how to be as a child in certain aspects of my life. So, as I play the role of parent, I am taught how to be a child.
Gianna recently got in trouble for doing something while we were driving in the car. I got on to her and used the mean, stern Mommy voice on her which only further upset her and made matters worse. Emily, applying teachings I have not given, started singing "I am a Child of God" to Gianna to help her calm down. Guess what? It worked. Emily recognized that it worked and announced, "Mommy, I sang to Gianna and it made her happy!" Two lessons: First, create an atmosphere for the spirit, and second, recognize that when you do things this way, it works!
Today, after listening to another amazing General Conference session, we had the opportunity to give another lady a ride home. This sister is so gentle and Christlike anyway. Emily asked if we were going to her grandparents' house and I explained that first we needed to drop this sister off at her home so she could be with her family again. Emily immediately tells me, "I want to grow up and drive a car so I can take everyone home!" AH! If I only looked at my ability to drive being an opportunity for service to others like that! It's true. I not only can drive, but I have a vehicle that still has room left over after filling it with my own family. What a great lesson to teach me immediately following President Uchtdorf's talk that mentioned seeking opportunities to help our fellow man and that of Elder Christofferson who challenged us to be more service minded.
Apparently, although it may not look like my children are listening, they are absorbing the teachings. Too bad I'm not more like them as it always appears that I am listening, but in the end, I don't think I'm absorbing nearly as much!
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